Appalachian Centennial Base Ball League player line up

Arnie “Beans” Stephens Growing up on the mean streets of Belfast, at age 14 Beans sailed for the United States, on a ship bringing linen, fine whiskey and immigrants looking for a new life. He lived a rough and tumble early life in Boston, haunting the base ball park and shagging balls for some of the greats. But as he got older, Beans of Beantown longed for a green that felt like Ireland. Making his way to our fair mountains, he fell in with the Glamorgan Red Legs, because something about the color of their stockings rang a Bostonian bell with Beans.

A.W. Collins aka “Wishes” No matter how you think it’s pronounced, it’s actually Al-o-wish-es, which means “famous warrior” in Latin. Why am I telling you this? Because our Wishes dreamt big enough to nearly become a famous baseball warrior for the 1870 Cleveland Forest Citys of the National Association of Professional Base Ball Players. The team wanted his lightning fast baserunning and red-hot bat. But, as sometimes happens, the same body that produces a prodigious talent will get in the way and end what we want most before it even starts. In Wishes’ case, it was an injury that brought his hopes to a halt. So he settled down in the hills and teaches the little sprouts how to swing a bat and run fast. And he always reminds them, no matter what, to dream big.

Beth and Zack Manon, the Magnificent Manonis If these two Red Legs look vaguely familiar, chances are you might have seen them performing in circuses across the globe. They, along with their four daughters—Tina, Dina, Mina and Nina—are in fact the greatest trapeze family to ever perform under the big top. Beth came from a long line of circus greats and taught her girls from the cradle how to fly through the air with the greatest of ease just like their mama. Zack, protective papa and pretty big guy, is always there to make a catch if one or two get too daring. All these skills come in pretty handy on the ballfield, as the Glamorgan team can attest.

Boots, Toots and Babe The Dorchester Black Stockings wouldn’t be the team it is without the defensive and offensive services of these cousins Laura Logan, Laura Witt and Kelci Thomas, born into an extended family of lion tamers. For reasons unexplained, their lives took a dark turn and they ended up as the infamous “Oh No, Not Them Again Gang” of vicious outlaws. Well, maybe not vicious but undeniably irritable. After a failed bank robbery, Boots, Toots and Babe landed in the Arkansas State Women’s Penitentiary, serving their time until released (make that “escaped”). And here they are (still on the lam), helping make the local team the one to beat. Let’s give them a warm Wise County welcome (but don’t tell anybody they’re here).

Brash Austin Born in the Appalachian mining country, after the war between the states, he wandered from township to township, playing with local nines. A try out with Harry Wright’s Cincinnati Red Stockings met with failure when he told British-born Wright that cricket was a game for tea-drinking nambypambys. He returned to his wandering, finally settling down in Dorchester to play and manage that city’s famed Black Stockings.

“Bronco” Brady Winebarger and “Buck” In 1866, Bronco and Buck joined the intrepid cowpokes to forge the Goodnight-Loving Trail, wrestling longhorns from Texas up the Pecos north to Colorado. Giving up the hard life on the range, they signed up for service at Fort Whoop-Up Montana, a whisky trading post (and they thought life with longhorns was rough). After the army, the boys closed their eyes and put a finger down on a map, ending up here where they started playing base ball. Whenever possible, Bronco sneaks away to the Smokies because he thinks the worst kind of ball in Knoxville is better than the best ball played anywhere else. As for Buck, you can find him on the porch in his spare time, plucking the strings of his old guitar and singing sad songs about women and whisky.

Buttercup and The Shadow Scott What do we know about Brandy and Stuart Scott? Well, we know that Buttercup may be small but her bat packs a wallop for the Black Stockings. She’s also the witty inspiration for the team, giving her teammates (and the other side) the “what-for” when needed. And Stu “the Shadow”? He may be a quiet giant, but he can thump out the hits and run those bases like a gazelle for the Red Legs. They play for different teams, you ask? Indeed, they do. So fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen, it could be a bumpy ride!

Christopher “Cannonball” Thomas When this guy comes up to the plate—stern, silent—the defense shifts and the pitcher wonders why he didn’t choose chess instead of base ball. But this flinty-eyed power hitter is really an old softie at heart. Rumor has it that he’s sweet on Boots, infielder and former member of the notorious “Oh No, Not Them Again Gang”. Being a hotdog fan from way back, Cannonball dreams that one day, he and Boots and a couple of kids will drive the Oscar Meyer weiner wagon into the sunset.

Doc Kumar Vijay Kumar has always been an exceptional scholar, an academic star. When he went into medicine, his fame as physician spread far and wide, and he treated most of the crowned heads of Europe. But he also showed astonishing talent for ball and bat games. He had determined to give up medicine for a career in rounders when he was summoned to treat Queen Victoria, suffering from Gout of the Royal First Toe and he was held captive as the royal doctor. Eventually escaping, Doc fled to the United States where, when not healing the sick, he is a utility player for the Dorchester Black Stockings.

Jack “Judge” Mooney Our referee is the estimable Judge Mooney, known for his wisdom in all things (well, most things), his fairmindedness (unless the call involves Brash Austin, then watch out), his knowledge of the rules of the game (until he suddenly just forgets and calls a ball when it was obviously strike and … uh, pardon me), his 20/20 vision (except for that one time last year when he … whoops, sorry) and his cool head (except if it involves Brash Austin, then watch out). After this season with the league, he may decide to go back to the bench (the legal one) and render justice (the legal kind). We hope not. Because if it comes right down to it, we couldn’t play ball without him. Let’s hear it for the judge!

jacob “King” Caudill Jacob “King” Caudill is the product of near-royalty, his ancestor being given the title Baron of Baltimore in 1625 (you didn’t know we had American barons, did you?). Yep, and he was responsible for the Charter of Maryland. Did this help Jacob? No, it did not, and was raised a regular American boy. For a while, he strung telegraph lines across the desert Southwest. But he wisely gave it up when Geronimo and his men perfected the art of cutting the wires and artfully reattaching them with leather strips so that no one could tell the difference. Except that the telegraph no longer worked. Pretty smart. King decided to come back east and teach other American kids the fine art of base ball, which he does royally well.

Josh “Ham” Austin Called so because he is one. A ham. Ham Austin grew up to join traveling theatrical revues, often playing the villain because he had a glare that could freeze an audience (and his fellow actors). He was the character who would demand the rent from the impoverished widow or tie a perfectly nice girl to the railroad tracks. But at every stop, in every tiny town on the circuit, Ham would seek out the local baseball nines and throw in for a game between the matinee and that night’s performance. And as good as he was, and as much as the teams begged him to plant roots in their communities, the stage always beckoned. That is until he came to visit Cousin Brash and decided to stick around and play for the Black Stockings where he still hams it up. Must run in the family.

Gentleman Josh Funk Another Appalachian-born player is Gentleman Josh Funk, who left home to wander the American West. After serving as a drummer at Fort Concho on the high plains of Texas, Josh wandered northward to Deadwood, South Dakota, with dreams of his own gold claim. It was there that he was nicknamed “the gentleman” by Calamity Jane because he joined her in a saloon fight against a band of drunken ruffians. When his claim came yielded nothing more than a couple of pieces of mica and a sore back, he came back home to Southwest Virginia where he plays with the Dorchester Black Stockings. His teammates still call him “gentleman” because they all agree that the appellation suits him.

KYLE “OLD HOSS” FUNK The mascot and ballboy for the Red Legs is none other than Kyle “Old Hoss” Funk, son and heir to Gentleman Josh. Like his dad, he’s an all-around sporting enthusiast but loves base ball beyond all others. However, there’s a part of him that hopes to stay the size he is now because horse racing has its appeal. But then, he also hopes to grow to over seven feet because he senses that, by the time he’s grown, another ball game will have been invented, one that features tall dudes dashing back and forth on a court throwing an inflatable ball at a net. He also has visions of another game in which otherwise intelligent men make mincemeat of each other on a long grassy field. Stick to baseball, Hoss, it’s the best and you’re darn good at it.

Lee “Leonardo” Robinson Don’t know if you’ve been keeping up with the news but that fellow Jules Verne has a new book out. Did you ever wonder where he got his inspiration for journeying to the center of the earth or diving 20,000 leagues under the sea? Up ‘til now it’s been a secret, but our own Leonardo was the one who planted those wild ideas in the writer’s head when they met once on a ship. Yes, besides being a crack baseball player, Leonardo has quite a few inventions to his credit. Now he brags that he’s come up with a box that’ll let folks talk to each other over long distances. He and some Scotsman named Bell are neck-in-neck for a patent. We wish him luck but think he ought to give up all that science and stick to his fielding. Heads up, Leonardo!

Mark “Sturg” Sturgill Before the Famous Boston Red Stockings imploded in 1870, Sturg was the team’s greatest fan. He daydreamed of creating a team just as good, only he wanted in some worthy southern city. Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined the many incarnations of his good old Red Sox (Red Caps, Beaneaters, Bees, Braves) and its legendary players. Nor would he have ever guessed that it the team would indeed end up in the South after moving from Boston to Milwaukee to Atlanta. He kept on dreaming, even going so far as to see himself playing the hot corner for such a team and even considered a new nickname for himself—“Chipper”—but decided to stick with the one he had. Next time you see the Braves, you might consider how powerful dreams can be.

Scott “Pop” Hall Pop Hall is used to the ribbing he gets as the oldest player in the league. He’s been around, no question, and has seen more of the world than these youngsters can imagine. He has sailed the seven seas. He has dined with maharajas. He has climbed the great pyramid. As they await their turns at bat, the young ones beg Pop for tales of his life and experiences. But Pop just smiles serenely, keeping his secrets to himself as he heads for the on-deck circle. The smart money will be on him getting a hit.

Stefan “Standup” Sams Standup comes from a long line of daring adventurers who ruled the waters, beginning with the first Stefan who sailed the eastern shore with Blackbeard. More recent family history tells of Standup’s father as one of the last flatboat men to launch from Kingsport, navigate goods down the Holston, Tennessee, Ohio and Mississippi to New Orleans, then hike home via the Natchez Trace. Standup even has dreamy childhood memories of summers on a keelboat following the same watery route to the gulf. Nowadays, you can mostly catch him on the banks of the Clinch, fishing pole in hand, listening to that ancient stream tell its tales. Otherwise, head for the ballpark with fingers crossed and you may just catch him in one of his spectacular standup slides.

Steady Steve Childers Steady Steve is mature enough to handle team rambunctiousness with grace and patience—mostly. But there’s always that sleeper who muffs an easy out. Or the runner who won’t stick at third when there’s no way he’ll make it home (or the one who does stick when he should have run). Still, Steady takes it all in stride. But some of the players just get to him. Take the captain who can’t get through a game without kicking at the referee. And don’t get Steady started on that mascot, Young Jack Austin, a brazen hotdogger. Kids. What are you gonna do?

The Colemans Amidst the good-natured brigands and brawlers who play for the league, we have Sir Jay and Lady Tessa Coleman, the Barrymores of Baseball, two formally trained thespians who have trod the boards in every major theatre the world over. Whether it’s Shakespeare, Ibsen or Pushkin, these renowned actors have brought the audience to tears and to ovations. This dalliance with baseball is the Colemans’ way of doing research for a stage play they are planning about an impoverished farmer who builds a diamond in his cornfield and famous deceased ballplayers gather there to play and only he and his family can see them and … aw, come on Colemans! This is a ridiculous plot! You could stage it but who would come?

The Lady-Killers When the McConnells came east from west Texas, they were hot on the trail of the infamous Lady Killers, Cody and Devan Lewis. Those two could sweet talk their way into a rich old lady’s heart and sweet talk her out of a tidy fortune. Not that the old women minded too much—it was a bit of fun in a place where there was nothing to do but watch buzzards. At a baseball game in Pampa, Devan gave them away by twirling his moustache one too many times at an old lady in the stands. The McConnells gave chase, following the Lewises back here, where they lost them. The Lewises are now unrecognizable, having shaved their notorious moustaches. They twirl no longer. Unless they’re called in to pitch and then they twirl like nobody’s business.

The McConnells After years of keeping the peace in Amarillo, Sheriff Jason had enough of the Wild West and returned to the Appalachians to steady some of the untamed inhabitants of Virginia’s Smallest City (many of whom are members of the League but I won’t name names—you know who you are). Under his firm but fair guidance, law and order is preserved. But he couldn’t do it without his right-hand man Braylon, who is also a mean right-hander on the field, with an arm so good it should be confiscated as an unregistered weapon. Like father, like son.

Willie “Coyote” Sturgill The Coyote comes to the League via a twisted path. During service at Fort Lookout, Kansas, he gained a reputation as a lethal force in the boxing ring, briefly acquiring the nickname “Gorgeous” Sturgill. But he kissed the canvas one too many times and gave it up for the peace and quiet of the Appalachians. It was here that he became renowned as the region’s premier purveyor of what is sometimes known as firewater, hooch, white lightning, mountain dew, sauce or spiritus frumenti, lovingly distilled from the products of his own orchards. But the Coyote has given up his revenuer-evading past and now intoxicates the crowds with his powerful mean bat.

Young Jack “The Flash” Austin The Black Stockings’ mascot is The Flash, so named because he once bolted so hard for first that he couldn’t stop. He kept running, crossing the North American continent and hopping a steamer to the Orient, running laps around the deck all the way. Once there, he streaked across the Mongolian highlands and into Europe. Joining the Tour de France, he raced bicyclists from the world over. In England, The Flash won the Grand National, putting the finest racehorses to shame. On a freighter from Liverpool, he began to lose wind and slowed his laps to a trot. Back on these shores, he picked up the pace and made it back to Appalachia where he finally stopped at first, pausing there just momentarily before stealing second. Don’t blink—you might miss him.